you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize