A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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