I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
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U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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