Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize