I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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