So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize