Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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