this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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