she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize