I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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