Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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