Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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