I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize