she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Randomize