He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
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