I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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