12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize