a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
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i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
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We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
i out mim tonsoeep
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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