I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
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Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
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My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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