just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize