The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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