I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
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They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
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So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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