I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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