How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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