i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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