My sheets look like a crime scene.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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