I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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