I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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