I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize