What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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