i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
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I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
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I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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