dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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