I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
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Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
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My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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