thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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