i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
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i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
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Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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