she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
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Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
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So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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