Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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