Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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