I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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