Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize