you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Randomize