even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
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I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
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Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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