I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
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So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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