Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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