Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Randomize