carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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