im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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