Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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