So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize