Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
how drunk are you?
Several
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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